When one partner in a relationship transitions, actually both transition. It is a challenging, but beautiful time, and the one can be a catalyst for the other in a beautiful and enrichening way.
In May 2018, at the very end of the month, my wife (whom I had thought to be my husband of 20 years) finally realized and awakened to her true self, the person she was always meant to be but could never express – neither in words, thoughts, nor actions. There had been fleeting stolen moments of happiness, tiny sparse hidden islands of release, unexplained – but the breaktrough, the realization only happened on that tuesday in may, a late afternoon in a therapists office.
That tuesday afternoon was the starting point of a whole new life for the two of us. What to do, where to go, whom to inform, which direction to take, at which pace?
Stay together or not? That was a question I did not ask myself. It was a question that others from the outside asked me, presuming that I wouldn’t want to live together with a trans woman, or that, once the transition “done”, she would choose a man. Another question that regularly came up immediately was the one about me, whether I would now automatically “become a man”, to continue the traditional heteronormative couple. If I still had hair, I’d have ripped it out out each time…
Continue reading “Partners in Transition”
These last 9 months seem
like a short and a long time all the same.
For Elia and me, it was a
long way, and it still is great adventure that is both wonderful and
challenging at the same time. When we got married over 20 years ago, we both
tried to conform to what was expected to us from our respective religious
communities. Me, the woman, him the man, seemingly. We did with what we had. It
was difficult, and intimacy was very difficult. I thought it was only so for
me, but actually it was the same for Elia. A lot of issues and hurt accumulated
over the course of these 20 years. But there were also, from time to time these
little sparks that made us keep on going – it wasn’t only for the kids that we
When Elia realized that she was transgender and was going to transition to live as the woman she has always been, we decided to come out together – though I fully knew what that meant: loss of work and friends.
Continue reading “9-months trip”
What is love?
It is not only
butterflies, red roses, smiles and kisses
It is also
knowing, feeling, and making known
whoever hurts my love, hurts me
whoever rejects my love, rejects me
whoever judges my love, judges me
whoever disrespects my love, disrespects me
whoever lacks to show love towards my love, fails to do the same to me
whoever is indifferent towards my love, is indifferent to me
whoever is ashamed of my love, is ashamed of me
For she is my love, my light, my joy
my heart, my soul, my raison d’être – the love of my life
my blood, my breath, my oxygen –
words to express how deeply affected I am —
If your faith makes you reject a person
even a family member
makes you be ashamed of them
your faith has failed its purpose:
to make you a better person,
justified before God and humankind
justifies such thinking?
My anger runs blue
To all those who are not
Not L or G or B or T or Q or I or A or…
All those who think it’s a choice :
When did You choose
To be not-Queer?
At which precise moment did you choose your heterosexuality, did you decide that it was a neat idea to be cisgender?
When did you decide to breathe?
Did you choose the color of your eyes, or your hair, or your skin?
So why do you think, what gives you the right to assume that our being simply is a matter of choice?
There never was a choice of feeling
feeling the way I do
It is part of me and had always been
Don’t be fooled: there was a choice, in the past –
To hide who I am and what I feel, to try to kill this lady of me to put and blow to expectations and condemnations that others had placed upon me.
And there is a choice today : to reject the condemnation, to reject the fear, to live true to myself, to live fully and entirely this beautiful life that was given to me – despite those who don’t agree, still. Despite those who walk away and then their backs out of a misunderstood love for principles over people.
But there has never been a choice as to who I am
What I am
Who I love
And how I love
In my mind, just my mind, I hold you in my arms, I hold you tight for a moment; against my body, feeling your warmth, your closeness, your life almost one with mine.
For a moment, just a moment, I imagine mine lips upon yours, locked in an embrace of tender sweet strong tempting love, not caring much about what others will say.
For a moment without end, I dream of your perfume, your scent enchanting my senses; Sweet Lady, like a storm, woman with a woman, destiny’s call, Creators love.
Just for a moment, Sweet Lady, kiss me again…
and being true
to one’s Self
Is like a bird
regrowing the wings
that have been cut off completely
It flies away
it takes off and soars
not looking back
Its soul finally coming to life
aflame with a thousand fires
shining in all colors of the rainbow
Being the way we are
the way we were meant to be
and created to be
Is the biggest way to honor
the One who created us
For it is saying
for making me,
out of your pure and wonderful Love
shining through me now
And the bird takes flight.
Waking up in the morning
with your beloved next to you
barely gently brushing against
the soft skin of their arm
looking at their sleepy smile
and opening eyes
Is God’s smile
in my life.