“Nobody wants a broken child”. I was watching TV, and a six-year old girl had been admitted to hospital in that show. She was living with foster parents, had hadn’t told them anything about her pain for fear fear of being sent back to the orphanage because “nobody wants a broken child”. She got something for her stomach pain, and the parents told her that the adoption had just been approved. Happy ending.
“Nobody wants a broken child” – and in some places, there is no room for”broken people”. Or rather, people people that have been defined as being broken, unfit, ‘other’ etc by those in charge, those in power.
Besides working as a preacher and pastor for many, many years, I also taught Biblical Wisdom literature in the ANE context and intro to Judaism in a theological seminary. After coming out and getting pushed out of my job as a pastor, the seminary said that they would decide about my case in “given time”. On my side, despite a glimmer of hope, I didn’t have too much hope: there are things and decisions that are predictable, and there are people for whom there is no room in certain places and institutions – it is that simple at its core.
Despite not being surprised by the decision, it still came like a smack in my face, a not so gentle reminder of all that has happened during the last year and of the things that are over. It is the final cut with the evie world, making me effectively an Exvangelical by all means.
What it is not, however, is a cut in my relationship with God or my faith. God does not depend on whether other people think that I’m broken or unfit, doesn’t care about whether other people think that I can’t speak about their word because I’m lesbian, intersex or non-binary.
It also won’t hinder my plans for the future: become self-employed and offer LGBTQIA-affirming counseling (psychological and spiritual direction), writing & photography workshops that foster exploration and affirmation of identity and orientation, as well as being a celebrant and offer not only weddings funerals, but also transition ceremonies, self-marriages and all sorts of things.
Because as painful endings may be, they can turn into something positive and fruitful if I use them as a springboard for something new: a new beginning.
And if something comes to an end for you, or has ended, I wish you wonderful and blessed new beginnings as well.